I remember when my first child was just a little thing- frequent naps equaled frequent awake time. I was learning how to rearrange my entire life to fit the turbulent and ever-changing “schedule” of a baby. Before Trevor was born I worked from home. I was my own boss with my own goals and priorities for my wedding photography business. I was used to running my day exactly how I wanted to.
I knew things would look different once our baby was born, I just had no idea how different things would have to be. I remember quite clearly during my pregnancy having daydreams where I would be working on wedding photos at my computer with my sweet baby playing and cooing happily on a blanket next to me— HAHA!! It’s okay, you can laugh at me too… I must say, that daydream was never a reality for us- not even once!
There were times that I would find myself forcing Trevor into a nap because I just wanted a break and I wanted to work on my things. It hit me after a few of those occurrences- I was wishing away time with my little boy. My baby boy who was growing out of a baby and into a little boy right before my eyes. It made me so sad and I realized that my priorities needed to change. Right then. And they did. I never rushed him into a nap again.
I relaxed the clutch I had on my time… because it’s not actually mine.
For as long as I can remember I knew I wanted to be a mom. I credit this, in large part, to the example I have in my own mother. She is patient, loving, caring, cleaver, trustworthy and, above all, she is self-sacrificing. The older I get, and especially now that I have my own children, I realize just how much of herself she put second… or more accurately, how much she put herself last. So now I’m realizing that if I want to be the kind of mother she is I can no longer view my time as my own. The kind of mom I want to be is one who is present and selfless.
That being said, I do believe there is great value in creating time for yourself, and we’ll get into that in another blog post, but when I’m with my children I want to be fully engaged and there with them; not just in the room but with my face buried in my computer, my phone or my work. I don’t want to miss out on these gifts God has given me. Time with my little ones is mine for the taking! And it is such a gift, not a nuisance. All I have to do is take a step back- take a breath- and see what really matters in my life right now; and what will matter to me in the future. I don’t want to have regrets with how I used my time.